Aye Carrumba! How deed I get eeto thees mess?!? Has eet only been tres months seence I left Neecaragua een search of my family's enemies?

Stateline had been thee highlight of my treep unteel today. That police officer and hees wife were nice enough to let me stay with them while I worked on hees '69 Camaro Super Sport. And he eentroduce me to the mayor of Stateline. Rrrowrrr! We made a great pair, especially een the bedroom. Eet was fun while eet lasted -- too bad the mayor deedn't keep me around longer. Eet was nice staying een her place.

Eet sure beat staying een thees diner for a week. I guess the diner eesn’t too bad. I deed conveence that waitress to let me use the showers for free. And she even brought me free food sometimes. Eet's too bad about what happened too her. We might have made a great pair, too. Rrrowrrr!

I should have known I was een for trouble the moment I saw her jeep -- if I dare call that devil spawn a jeep. Ugh! (Shudders) That poor jeep, with eets doors welded shut, eets top chopped off and all eets body panels rusting off. And her driving.... Aye carrumba! I don't know if her driving was so bad because of the jeep, or if the jeep was so bad because of her driving. And I think I still have marks on my butt from the bare springs een the seats. (He checks.) Uh, huh. Dammit!

I DEFINITELY should have run when we lurched up to her apartment cell block, I mean building. There was that tigre lady bouncing around out front with a soup can singing, "Bouncy, Trouncy, Flouncy, Pouncy! Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!" But eet wasn't a soup can. She threw eet eento the swimming pool filled with junk and bounced away. Then that techie came running at us screaming, "get down! Get down!" There was that white flash of light and the next thing I know, I am lying on the ground een the door to her building, and she's lying on top of me. Not quite what I hand in mind…. Especially seence eet wasn't all of her lying on me, only parts. Ugh! (Shudders) I can't believe I went hysterical yelling, "I deen't do eet! I deedn't do eet!" and then passed out. I can't believe eet.

The techie had the presence of mind to drag me eenside, but I'm not so sure that I'm happy about eet. When I came too he took me upstairs where hees other strange friends were staying, and that tigre lady followed us, too. When we walked een there was thees glowing light going 'round and 'round, and thees sound like, "wooo wooo wooo" filled the whole room. The tigre lady started weaving around een circles watching the light on the wall, mumbling, "the colors....the colors...." And some strange man with big spikes for hair was sitting een front of a musical keyboard holding a piece of hees hair moaning and rocking….

Then thees sound like a dial tone started coming from the kitchen. The tigre lady and another woman in plaid ran eento the kitchen. The plaid lady bent over the sink and I noticed eet wasn’t a lady at all – eet was an hombre een a skirt! Aye! I think that will ruin me on plaid skirts forever. Thees man starts singing eento the sink, making sounds just like a phone dialing. There was thees ringing sound, some static, and then the guy with the spiky hair shrieked like he was having an orgasm and started frantically pushing buttons on the keyboard. The light started moving een closer circles on thee wall and that, "wooo wooo wooo" got louder and faster. The tigre lady was getting een the way, so someone gave her a roll of duct tape and said, "play with thees."

Then eet seemed like all at once everything went to hell. The tigre lady got herself taped to the refrigerator door and started yowling. The "wooo wooo wooo" sound was so loud I couldn't think, and that light on the wall closed to a point and started the wall on fire. The building deedn't have a sprinkler seestem and the fire exstinguisher only spit foamy goo then quit.

We couldn't get out the door eento the hall because everyone else was pushing their way out of the building, too. So the huge guy knocked a hole een the wall eento the next apartment. We just kept going that way down the hall, looting emtpy apartments as we went. Eet was crazy!! But I deed get a very cool Atari….

Once we got outside I can't believe they made me get een that jeep again. "No! NO!! Not the jeep again!" Everyone piled eento the jeep so fast that I was left riding on the running board hanging onto the rusting mirror for my life. Thank God the jeep died as we got to Bruce's diner. I don’t think I could take uno minuto more. I NEVER want to see that thing again.

I wonder what thees people plan to do next?!